In just a few days, my only child, my only son will be twenty-one years old. Certainly, this is a milestone-- for him and for me. The obvious milestone is that he is now "legal" to do all of the things that are legal in the state of Missouri. After our conversation a few minutes ago, it's pretty plain that he'll be taking advantage of his ascension as the day comes and passes. And why not? He's entitled to experience life. He's entitled to push the envelope. He's a man now and his choices are borne only by him. There are rites of passage still to pass and, I believe, he will pass the test.

When I spoke with him a little while ago, he mentioned that he and several buddies were planning a visit to the strip clubs next weekend. Now, you may or may not feel that this is a moral or correct course of action. You're entitled to your opinion. I'm not even sure how I feel about it myself since I've never really been a guy to spend much time in a strip club. BUT, each of us has a passage to make. Each of us needs to decide how we feel about these things.

For instance, in my day, X-rated movie theatres still existed. As a matter of fact, some people thought the films were art. To a horny 19-year-old, they were fuel to an active imagination. Yes, I went to several of those "award-winning" presentations in my late teens. If my parents had found out, they'd have torn me limb from limb and fed the pieces to the neighbor's dog. Still, the fact is that this was my choice and I needed to learn how I felt about it..

But despite the approaching bacchanal, there is growing wisdom in this young man. He assured me they have a designated driver. He's not going out on a work night. He's budgeted a small, yet sufficient sum for his parties. The young man wishes to taste the fruit of his new age, but knows the party should not define him. Ah, the force is strong with this one... ;-)

To say I'm proud of him is an understatement. He has endured a number of challenges in his life. From the age of 14 months, I have not lived with him. While that alone is not a crippling experience, I know the pain of my own father's distance and indifference and how it weighs like an anchor. During his baseball years, there was a time while catching that he took a bat off his glove hand, was in visible, writhing pain, and stayed in the game because there wasn't another catcher available. He's got an amazing ear as a drummer and continually astounds me with how he can dissect the beat. He's come back year after year to play chess with me and now beats me on a somewhat regular basis.

His teen years were tumultous and life changing. There were times I wondered if he would come through unscathed. There were a few times the phone rang and I wondered if he'd had a run in with the police. I admit, there were times I wanted to let go because of all of the negativity I was feeling. While I may have loosened my grip, I never let go.

Whether it was an internal compass or some words he heard from me or others I cannot say, but I believe he's on the right path to live a fine life. A life defined by his own choices but perhaps shaped a bit by those around him, those that love him.

Happy birthday, son. May your years be filled with wonder and contentment.

Note: This Eagles song is another one that captures the possibilities and audacity of a young man. On the same album as Desperado and Tequila Sunrise, it's a great place to start collecting Eagles songs.